The Hobbit: An Unexpected Status Update
by thepotterheadfrommiddleearth
Summary: BILBO BAGGINS updated his status: Just got my new iPhone 5! Can't wait to use it! [this fic is] Middle Earth on Social Media... Collab with JustShipEverything (and trust me, she does) and MasterLunaDurin.
1. Facebook

**DISCLAIMER: **We don't own anything/anyone in this fic, even facebook (which _may _or may not be formatted wrong but anyway).

**Bilbo Baggins** updated his status:

Hanging out the front with my smoke rings. Oh what a joy it is to puff the delightful rings up into the atmosphere without a care in the world.

G**andalf the Grey** commented: Sounds like fun dawg- d'ya wanna go on an adventure ;P

**Bilbo Baggins** responded to **Gandalf the Grey's** comment: NO THANKS I'M GOOD GO AWAY… GOOD MORNING!:)

**Gandalf the Grey** responded: Nah bro it'll b fun c ya 7 ma homie… ily!

**Bilbo Baggins** responded to **Gandalf the Grey's** comment: WHAT THE- WHY ARE YOU SEEING ME AT 7? Good Morning.

**Bilbo Baggins** has blocked **Gandalf the Grey**.

**Gandalf the Grey** updated his status: Party Bilbo's house ny1?

This post has received **13** likes.

**Thorin Oakenshield** Commented: how are we to find this elusive house?

**Gandalf the Grey**: ill just put somethin on the door calm down dude

**Thorin Oakenshield** updated his profile:

_I am Thorin Oakenshield., son of Thrain, son of Thror. I lived with my family in Erebor. I hate elves and the Pale Orc with a passion, because both of them didn't do what I wanted. When I was only a young dwarf-prince, Smaug the Terrible took my beautiful home. I am fighting to regain it._

**Kili Durin** commented on this profile: Calm down, majestic-mr-princey-pants

**Thorin Oakenshield** replied to this comment: You wish you were me young Padawan.

**Kili Durin** replied: What

**Thorin Oakenshield** replied: Nothing

**Fili Durin** commented: Kili, I think that Thorin has something to tell us.

**Kili Durin** commented: Right you are, Fili, right you are

**Thorin Oakenshield** sighs and admits: Alright, I'll admit- I'm a Star Wars fandwarf.

**Fili Durin**: -_-

**Kili Durin**: Well that's something you don't see everyday

**Thorin Oakenshield**: Don't judge me fools or i'll cut down your allowance

**Kili Durin**: Sorry Uncle Thorin we didn't mean it

**Thorin Oakenshield**: No you didn't

**Gandalf the Grey**: Nice ;)… u should use that again sometime Thozza.

**Thorin Oakenshield**: Gandaf… for the last time, that's not my name.

**Gandalf the Grey**: Yeah it is! You are now officially… Thozza!

**Thorin Oakenshield**: Gandalf, stop.

**Gandalf the Grey**: Thozza the fandwarf! What a sight to behold.


	2. Mass Text

Dwalin: Hey where is everyone? I'm already here

Balin: No worries bro I'm just outside

Balin: *outside*

Bilbo: What who is this who got my number who are you what is going on why are you in my house you are eating my food stop it who are you; good evening.

Fili: I'm here with my bro

Kili: Sup

Kili: There's so much food…

Bilbo: It's my food!

Fili: I'm beginning to think Bilbo doesn't want us random dwarves in his house eating his food drinking his drinks and messing up his house…

Gandalf: STFU Fili its fine

Bilbo: GANDALF?

Gandalf: Sup B-bomb.

Bilbo: What are all these dwarves doing in my house?

Gandalf: I invited them here.

Bilbo: WHY?

Gandalf: Cos!

Bilbo: Well at least there's only 4…

Gandalf: LOL no there's like 13.

Bilbo: What! what do you mean 13 why are there 13 dwarves in my house what's going on someone help me.

Bombur: Bombur ur service

Bilbo: yeah I know stop eating my food you'll explode

Thorin: Soz guys im a bit late got caught up meeting w/ ma kin.

Bilbo: Who are you

Gandalf: Bilbo STFU ur speakin 2 da boss man

Thorin: Hell yeah

Bilbo: Wait who's the boss the boss of what

Thorin: The Thorin Oakenshield Company

Gandalf: that names sucks lets call it the Gandalf partaaaay

Bilbo: Why is the Gandalf partaaaaaay at my house then

Thorin: nah that names not workin

Bilbo: IDC WHAT ITS CALLED WHY ARE THERE DWARVES IN MA HOUSE

Thorin: Lol we're goin on a mission wanna come

Bilbo: NO NO NO NO ADVENTURES NO NO NO

Bofur: Lol dont 4get theres gonna b a dragon- think furnace with wings

Bilbo: *gasp*

Gandalf: Goddammit Bofur u made da hobbit faint.

Thorin: Far over, the misty mountains cold

Gandalf: What r u doin

Thorin: To dungeons deep and caverns cold

Gandalf: Stop singin Thozza ur freakin out da hobbit

Bilbo: What no ur all freakin me out leave me alone stop singin go away good day to y'all

Gandalf: Mmmmmmkay guys partys over- Gandalf partaaaaaaay out

Thorin: Yeah we're stickin with Thorin Oakenshield's Company

Gandalf: party pooper.


	3. Skype IM

gandalfthefantabulous198: hey guys r u all on ur ponies

king_under_the_mountain: yes we're all ready lets go in our melancholy fashion

200 joined the conversation

200: wait 4 me i'm coming

king_under_the_mountain: balin check his signature

balin_da_boss: yeah bro its legit

king_under_the_mountain: DON'T CALL ME BRO I'M UR SUPERIOR

balin_da_boss: sorry sir

200: Cool DONT MAKE ME RIDE A PONY

king_under_the_mountain: 2 bad sucker

gandalfthefantabulous198: LOL i just won $20

200: Oh cool… hey can I just check who is weirdlyprettydwarf?

weirdlyprettydwarf: It's me, Kili

200: And then i assume that imprettierthanyou500 is Fili?

imprettierthanyou500: Yep

king_under_the_mountain: We should probs stop now

gandalfthefabulous198: yeah lets go 2 da elves

king_under_the_mountain: NO were stayin here

gandalfthefabulous198: GODDAMMIT Y ISNT ANYONE HERE MAKIN SENSE IM LEAVIN #YOLO

200: lol im hungry lets eat

hatlover101: mkay bilbo take da lads so soup

200: okay bofur

weirdlyprettydwarf has ejected king_under_the_mountain from the conversation

200: why did you eject morose dwarf (aka Thorin)?

imprettierthanyou500: we have a slight problem…

weirdlyprettydwarf: you call that slight? Really bro?

tomthemountaintroll has ejected Daisy and Bongo from the conversation

200: what r we going to do?

weirdlyprettydwarf: Well u can figure that 1 out as ur the burglar and all

200: what no i can't do anything i'm just a simple hobbit from bag-end

tomthemountaintroll has ejected Myrtle and Minty from the conversation

tomthemountaintroll has left the conversation

200: btw why was there a mountain troll in our convo? btw what is a mountain troll, can it kill me? or just maim.

weirdlyprettydwarf: Can it kill you? HELL YEAH

imprettierthanyou500: and maim u in the process

weirdlyprettydwarf: and Gandalf arranged this chat… so idk y there would b a troll there…

200: thx 4 the comfort, really appreciated. almost as good pep talks as Bofur

hatlover101: lol ;P thx b-bomb!

: wtf is with u dwarves & weird nicknames? seriously, u ppl need 2 get out more & c what ppl call each otha.

weirdlyprettydwarf: says the hobbit that lives in a hole, idk, i thought our nicknames were pretty godamn awesome, rite Filster?

imprettierthanyou5000: so rite, Kilster

bertthemountaintroll: I'm not happy :(

tomthemountaintroll: shut up

willthemountaintroll: imma cook up a storm 4 u so be appreciative

bertthemountaintroll: OMG guys just sneezed out a flurbaburglabur hobbit #idkcanweeathim

200: AAAAAAAAAAAH IM GONNA DIE

weirdlyprettydwarf: no ur not just let us stab these trolls ankles 1st okay

200: okay well u do that i'll just free these horsies

Daisy, Bongo, Myrtle and Minty have re-entered the conversation.

willthemountaintroll: STOP STABBIN OUR ANKLES OR WE'LL KILL THE FLURBABURGLABUR HOBBIT MKAY!

weirdlyprettydwarf: o rite soz

bertthemountaintroll: can we eat 'em

200 updated his status to unedible

200 updated group status to infected

weirdlyprettydwarf updated his status to perfectly clean

king_under_the_mountain rejoined the conversation

hatlover101 updated group status to clean uninfected company

king_under_the_mountain updated group status to majestic infected company on a noble mission

daylight1000 has ejected bertthemountaintroll, willthemountaintroll, tomthemountaintroll from the conversation

gandalfthefantabulous189: evry1 follow my homie daylight1000 on insta and fb!

king_under_the_mountain: :)

king_under_the_mountain: that smiley's not majestic enough

king_under_the_mountain: E:)

weirdlyprettydwarf: WHAT is that uncle

imprettierthanyou500: I think its a majestic smiley killster

hatlover101: Welcome to the company majestic smiley!

king_under_the_mountain: ok ok that's enough


End file.
